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Often the abuser who sees he is losing control will escalate the methods of control and abuse.
The lies will be bolder and he may manipulate with more intensity. Continued use of the legal system may now be available to him.
In his mind, you are worthless, you deserve nothing. Get a support group of therapists, friends, family members.
Make sure therapists understand narcissism and can testify in your behalf in court. Ask who the “pit bull” lawyers are so you can interview them. Try and find one that gives you some breathing space in terms of how they charge. Get your ducks in order and do all you can and be prepared before you announce you want a divorce.
I was not sorry about the affair itself, but I was sorry for hurting my wife.
We have gone thru counselling and have managed to stay together, but she is even more in control of my every move now because whenever I try to excercise some independence, she brings up my affair and tells me she can’t trust me anymore so that’s why she has to keep me under her thumb.
When you hire a lawyer, do not tell your spouse immediately. Emotion and long stories are not liked by attorneys. It is never too late to hire evaluators or therapists for your side. I am the exact opposite — I am laid-back, happy and never get angry.This has made the marriage an unhappy place for me, but I feel that because we have 3 children, I am trapped. She is 3 years older than me, and so has always been at a different stage of life than I was.However, one year turned into two, and before I knew it, she announced that her biological clock was ticking and that it was time for children.I told her financially we were not yet ready for kids, but again she ignored my feelings and again I gave in to her.
So, I actively sought out a high school sweetheart and rekindled the realtionship via the internet.