Dating large people
About a month ago, one of my sisters tagged me in a video she recorded of Family Feud—a game show where two families compete for a cash prize by trying to find the most popular answers to a variety of questions.On the episode of the daytime game show she recorded, host and comedian Steve Harvey asks the contestants to answer a rather loaded statement: “Name a reason a woman might decide to be with a chubby [or fat] man.” This, as one might imagine, ends up being a rather humorous round for the contestants, Steve Harvey, and the audience.With this myth, we have an example of how people attempt to take the agency away from fat people, and really people in general.The assumption behind this myth is twofold, where people will only be attracted to or seek relationships with a) people who look like them, or b) people who society deems as attractive. What is most directly shown in this survey answer is the idea that fat people will only be able to have relationships with other fat people, whether it’s because they only find other fat people attractive or because that’s all they can get, in the most brutal of terms.More specifically, this myth assumes that all fat men are inherently less attractive to all people than any partner they could ever have.That partner is only using fat men to appear more attractive by comparison.Slipped into this myth is a related double-edged myth that all fat people love to eat a lot of food, and all people who love to eat food are fat.Put plainly, the assumption that fat people will only seek relationships with other fat people is incredibly false.
To go along with that notion, what someone perceives as being good or bad at sex is completely subjective, and there is nothing concrete to imply that all fat men, regardless of their “cuddliness,” are bad at pleasing their partners sexually.But my sister didn’t share this video on her Facebook page to garner laughs from her friends and family.It was quite the opposite, actually: my sister was angry at the round’s subject and the subsequent answers given.This myth is much less often applied to skinny or “fit” men, unless of course that person is known to have money or power.But it’s much easier for people to understand two skinny/traditionally attractive people being together because they’re attracted to each other than when a skinny/traditionally attractive person chooses to be with a fat man for other, less superficial reasons.
So we have another double-edged myth on our hands: fat men can be warm/cuddly, but they can never be seen as sexual beings, let alone being seen as possibly “good” at sex.