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So I rounded up this guy I used to date, a crazy Bulgarian artist/party animal named Boris, and headed out one sunny April afternoon.

The forums I read online advised that one drive no faster than 5 mph (FIVE MILES PER HOUR!!! This road is R E M O T E as F U C K, with virtually nonexistent vehicle traffic, and as mentioned ZERO cell phone coverage (this was back in 2011, but I’m sure it’s the same today). Plus, the road was so bumpy that the firewood ended up poking a hole in one of my water jugs, so that it leaked out and I ended up only having 2 gallons for the two of us all weekend. From Vegas, we drove up through Pahrump to Death Valley…and then all the way across Death Valley to the western edge, sort of near Panamint Springs.

All that took us about 3 hours, so I thought I was making pretty good time.

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